I’ve been directing scenes in my head, for as long as I can remember. Despite being the oldest of four kids, I often found myself alone. As a five year old that wanted to make friends in a new place, that bothered me. Since I didn’t play with other kids in the neighborhood, I came up with ideas for movie sequels. I would think of scenes in my head and say the dialogue out loud. I know what you’re thinking, and yes I’ve been caught “talking to myself” by people; and I was too embarrassed to say I’m coming up with (yet another) sequel to the Scooby Doo franchise. As a little kid I wanted to be famous. I wanted to guest star on my favorite TV shows, sing, and dance.
Shortly after moving to New York, my mom signed me up for classes at a small dance studio near my house. I remember standing in the back of one of the rooms, watching the student teachers and thinking, “I want to make my own dances too.” I wasn’t the best one there, but I would remember every routine like the back of my hand. It got to the point where I could remember where other people stood and what they did. My five year old self loved every minute of it and before I knew it I was begging my mom for more.
When I joined the studios’ competition team, my confidence dropped almost immediately. It seemed like everyone was leaps and bounds ahead of me and it felt impossible to keep up. I remember wanting to do acrobatics but I could only do a cartwheel. The teacher told me I had to learn how to do a back walkover if I wanted to do acro. I thought that was dumb because I assumed the whole point of the class was to help me learn how to do these seemingly impossible tricks. I stuck to it though, backbending and rocking back and forth trying to kick my legs over, and falling to the floor, over, and over again. That is until one day, at the height of my frustration, I actually kicked my legs over and stood up. I was finally able to walk into dance class and say to my teacher “I have my back walkover!” That made me realize if I want to be good at something, I’m going to have to want it. I’m going to have to drill myself until I’m happy with it, and I pushed myself for the next couple years of competitive dancing.
By the time I was fourteen, I was able to do all sorts of cool tricks. I could stay in a chin stand for what felt like forever and I became one of the most advanced tap dancers in the studio.
With that came more eyes on me, especially from my teammates. I was also doing musical theater at school but when I got to high school, I had to choose between that and competitive dance. My sophomore year of high school was my last year competing; and I made sure the choir director knew me as a triple threat, someone that could sing, dance, and act even though I couldn’t do that year’s musical. I was able to do stage crew that year since there were less required rehearsals. So I would often go straight from musical rehearsals to dance practice. My last year competing was hard, because I knew it would be my last couple of competitions and I wanted my solos to be perfect. I ended up forgetting my solo both times competing with it and I was so angry with myself for leaving on such a negative note, but I knew my attitude would get worse if I stayed.
I learned a lot from being in the stage crew, but I wanted to be on that stage more than anything. I was able to prove myself as a triple threat the following year and I was ecstatic to be a part of something bigger than I am, and to be valued for what I do. At this time I was choreographing in my free time, whether it was competitive pieces or whole musical numbers.
By the time senior year rolled around, I still had tunnel vision that I wanted to perform for the rest of my life. At the back of my mind I knew I had to come up with a fallback plan but I just pushed it off until I went to college.
I first came to Jacksonville University as an undecided major, because I was too nervous about the audition process for a musical theater major. I first decided on a communication major because I knew I could use it for a number of career paths. I remember meeting a friend named Jeremy who happened to be in communication and theater. Seeing him making videos for Dolphin Channel News, and being good at it made me realize that that’s how I can utilize my performance skills while learning more about behind-the-scenes aspects.
During my sophomore year of college, I finally took an intro to multimedia journalism, where I learned how to actually produce videos. I fell in love with it instantly and I could put my creative ideas to use. Being a communication student, I’ve been able to learn a whole new skill set that will serve me well in the future.
As much as I love performing, I’m looking forward to even bigger productions and seeing my ideas played out in real life, not just in my head. I have different interests and talents. I know I won’t have the same career for my whole life. I want to be able to travel, continue performing, and work behind the scenes as well. My ultimate goal however, is to be a producer in the entertainment industry…TV shows, music videos, or even movies. Although I probably won’t be a big celebrity, I may be working alongside them in the future making my five year old self proud.
Erin Byrnes 